Appologies to all

Not that I have a lot of followers, but I did want to apologize for not posting more. Things have been a bit hectic, new job and all, plus the initial draft of my book was rejected which kind of hit me hard.

"Pornographic and sick" is pretty much the response I got.

For those who have read my brief tutorials on here what do you think?

They are specific I must say to beginner level CBT play, and aren’t very long but that was the point. Some place to start, not a full explanation. If you don’t have a starting point you have no idea where you want to go with a fetish.

Well, I’ll try another publisher and not let it get me down.

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Anonymous: finding all the right size change inches to ring size

I have written a how to on cock ring sizing.

Is this a question or a statement, I am really unsure.

Click the link above and read the how to. If it is still unclear please ask your question. But make it an actual question.

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Anonymous: licking my own cum

Always a good thing, I lick my own often. Taste good in my coffee too.

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Anonymous: Is it frequent to turn complete bottom from a pure top all my life? I've recently discovered the most intense orgasm ever when I was banged nonstop for about an hour near my prostate by a guy with a big mushroom cockhead; which resulted in the most unbelievable pleasure ever from getting fucked. I cum continuously almost 5min shooting like a water fountain without touching my cock! Now I love masturbating by massaging with a prostate massager. Oh, and I love getting rimmed for hours non-stop too

Honestly, it just shows that you are versatile.

A power top does not like to bottom at all, they generally don’t even like having their ass played with.

A power bottom derives no pleasure from topping, but from being the receiver.

On the flip side (no pun intended) being just a regular top or bottom really means that you are not put off by the other aspect but have picked your role. To explain, you may be a top, you may really derive great pleasure from being the top, but if circumstances are just right and the mood is there you will bottom, for just the right person.

Being versatile is a bit different then the previous role. Being versatile I can attest that it is not a matter of being top or bottom the pleasure is derived from either. Many a times I have topped people who have then turned and topped me. The one advantage I can see to being versatile is…… It doesn’t matter who I’m with or what their role is, pleasure will be derived.

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Sounding for beginners.

Over the years I have been asked by some for advise, information, and opinions on sounding. Here I will cover the basics, sterilization, starting out sounding and cover some basic questions.

Although I know some people have seen all sorts of crazy things on the net like people sticking pens or swizzle sticks or kitchen utensils in themselves this is not sounding. There are a few people out there who don’t seem to believe in being careful, and that can be very dangerous. Are they sounders? Probably, but still??? You must understand what you are doing before you can think about just sticking anything in your Pee hole.

I have given demonstrations on sounding before, some find it intriguing, and others cringe at the thought. Sounding used to be an old fashion way to help people who had UTI’s, bladder infections, and to help stretch undersized urethra’s for fertility reasons. I have also heard that it has been used to help guys who have kidney stones be able to pass them easier.

Let’s get started

I would hope you purchase a full set of either the diddle sounds, or pratt sounds. Those are the best to start with. Hagar, and rosebud, silicone or ribbed sound are for more advanced user and should not be attempted by beginners till they understand what they are doing. As for house hold items, I would wait till you have used regular sounds and understand your limits.

1) Sterilization - You don’t want to get a Urinary track infection, and on a budget I have found that the following works well with all of my sounds after every use. Of course if you have an autoclave, that would be best.

A)     Betadine scrub with a soft sponge, terry cloth or paper towel. Betadine can be purchased at most pharmacies or hospital supply stores.

DO NOT USE ANY TYPE OF SCRUBBER on your sounds. They must remain smooth. Bacteria can grow even in micro scratches.

B) After the Betadine cleaning, Place into boiling water (completely covered) for 20 min’s

C) After boiling wipe down with rubbing alcohol and place in the storage pouch they came in, or in a Ziploc bag with no air in it. Air can carry bacteria.

2) Use a water based lube, and being a beginner don’t use any of the warming, flavored, or spice lubes on the market. Gunoil - is what I use. It is water based, clear, not irritating and inexpensive. Some people use baby oil, hand lotion (no perfume), and some just use water or their pre-cum.

3) Start small, take your time.

The male urethra is larger than the female, but that doesn’t mean to try and stuff a 38mm sound down your urethra. I am currently using a 33fr. I started out sounding with an 18fr. But each person is different.

A) Dip about 2 inches (51mm) of the sound into the lube.

B) (You do not have to be hard) In a reclined or laying down position slowly start inserting the sound into the urethra. Do not force it, and being a beginner, do not go all the way to the bladder. You will want to take your time. Just see how it feels to start, maybe turn in a little while starting out see how you like the sensation.

C) About 1 inch in you will reach the tapper of the urethra. This is where the urethra narrows. If the sound stops, do not force it, back out and go to the next smaller size sound. You don’t want to force the sound, and for your first time you are not ready to start stretching, that will come with time and experience.

D) Once you have found the size of the sound that you are comfortable with continue with the insertion.

E) Since you are a beginner just try working the sound up and down, maybe even see how you like turning it a little. If you are comfortable you might even want to try and place a vibrator against the sound and see how you like that. There is also a tuning fork method that can be used. Once the sound is in, tap the tuning fork and get it vibrating, than place the handle end against the sound just like you would a vibrator.

F) You can see and feel what the sound is doing, you can see what a fully inserted sound is like. Using my fingers I can feel the sound on the underside of my cock. With it inserted you can even stroke your cock if you want.

G) After you feel you are comfortable with the size you have been using, and you have worked it up and down your urethra. Try the next size up, just remember it will be a bit tight, use plenty o lube and take your time. At any time you feel uncomfortable, stop, back up, and either go back down in size or try again later to go to the next size up.

I have been sounding since the early 90’s, These instruction are pretty much what was told to me back than with a few changes due to experience I have gained over the years.

General questions

Why be in a reclined or laying position?

You’re going to be nervous and you want to be comfortable.

Why start small?

If you try and force a sound that is to large into the urethra, you can cause major damage that could take surgery to correct.

Why water based lube?

It’s not as thick and sticky as most silicone based lubes. It also will not ball up into little beads like some silicon lube do. And since you pass water (urine) through your urethra anyway, it is something that your body is already kind of used to.

Why not go all the way to the bladder?

You want to be in full understanding of what you are doing and what your limits are. Not to mention you could damage your bladder if you’re not paying attention. You’re starting out and you’re curious, this is understandable, but take your time. You will come into yourself and your own techniques in time and with practice.

Why so many steps to sterilizing?

You want to make sure your sounds are clean you don’t want to get a Urinary tract infection, damage your urethra, or make yourself sick.

“I did what you said and I see spots of blood when I pee. What’s up with that?”

This is normal; you will see this even if you are careful. And you may also feel a slight burning sensation the first time or 2 when you pee afterwards. This is due to micro scratches that may occur, and the flushing of the lube from the urethra. It is best to try and pee right after you have done a sounding session. Urine is a natural cleansing agent, don’t worry.

Can I cum while sounding?

Yes you can, and the first time you do will be a very unique experience. But that doesn’t mean to try a force Cumming the first time you sound. Take your time learning what is best and most enjoyable for you.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask.

KR Travoli’

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Gender/Sex Self Identification

What do all the terms mean?

So you have a good idea who you are, you have a relatively good idea how you identify, or maybe you don’t understand how you identify, or you’re confused because you don’t understand what you are feeling. How do you identify? Who are you? Are you sure you’re identifying yourself correctly?

What about all the different terms?

What do they all mean?

Things can be confusing in life as we are all aware, and it can be even worse when you are young and not sure of the feelings you have, or you have been told “You will be this way!” but you don’t feel right about what has been laid out for you. “Who am I?” and “What are these feelings I’m having?” Are two of the biggest questions for ones self out there.

So I put together this short list (this list could end up being a book if you ask some people) in hope that it will help some, educate others, or clarify meanings. It may upset some people as they will swear, “I have been identifying as (Blah) for years and now you’re telling me I’m wrong.” No, that is not it at all, and not what I am trying to accomplish.

If some of these definitions sound familiar it is because I did review them from several different sources and tried to simplify the “long winded” and elaborate on the “short” explanations to come up with this list. 

 The list - in no particular order:

Heterosexual: Simply put, the romantic and/or sexual attraction or behavior between members of the opposite sex or gender. In the simplest of terms, man to woman, woman to man.

Bi-Sexual: An orientation involving physical and/or romantic attraction to both males and females. Some people who have a distinct but not exclusive preference to one sex over the other may also identify themselves as bisexual, but are able to cross the gender roles easily.

Asexuality: The lack of sexual attraction to any gender orientation and, in some cases, the lack of interest in sex. Sometimes, it has also been considered a lack of a sexual orientation.

Pan-sexual: The potential for sexual attractions, sexual desire, romantic love, and/or emotional attraction, towards people of all gender identities and biological sexes. Some may refer to themselves as gender-blind. Basically that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be attracted to someone. Most pansexual’s rejects the gender binary, or the “notion of only two genders and the three standard sexual orientations”, as pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women.Pansexuality can also mean the attraction to a person’s personality, rather than their physical appearance, orientation or gender.

Homosexual: The romantic and/or sexual attraction or behavior between members of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality refers to “an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affection, or romantic attractions exclusively to people of the same sex. The most common terms used to indentify homosexual people are lesbian for women and gay for men, though gay is also used to refer generally to homosexual.

Transsexual (or Transsexualism): An individual’s identification with a gender inconsistent or not culturally associated with their biological sex. A medical diagnosis can be made if a person experiences discomfort as a result of a desire to be a member of the opposite sex, or if a person experiences impaired functioning or distress as a result of that gender identification. Transsexualism is stigmatized in many parts of the world but has become more widely known in Western culture in the mid to late 20th century, concurrently with the sexual revolution and the development of sex reassignment surgery (SRS). Discrimination and negative attitudes towards transsexualism often accompany certain religious beliefs or cultural values. There are cultures that have no difficulty integrating people who change gender roles, often holding them with high regard, such as the traditional role for ‘two-spirit’ people found among certain native American tribes.

Transvestite (IE..Cross dresser): Is the practice of wearing clothing traditionally associated with the opposite sex. However the word often has additional connotations, and has undergone several changes in meaning since its inception (circa 1910 -1920 Germany) and is still used in a variety of senses. The term itself was derived from Latin trans-, “across, over” and vestitus, “dressed”.

Transgendered: Someone whose psychological gender identity differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. For example, a female with a masculine gender identity or who identifies as a man. This does not exclusively refer to transsexual persons, i.e. those who are transitioning or have transitioned from one gender to another; all transsexual persons are transgender, but not all transgender persons are transsexual. A transgender person is anyone who fully accepts a gender identity—androgynous, hermaphroditic, intersex, transsexual, third gender, bi-gender, or otherwise does not match his or her assigned gender.

Gender Queer: Kind of a catch-all term for gender identities, other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary and hetero-normative or “regular gender” roles. People who identify as gender queer may think of themselves as one or more of the following: both man and woman (bi-gender, pan gender); neither man nor woman (genderless, agendered); moving between genders (gender fluid); a third gender or other-gendered; also includes those who do not place a name to their gender; having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual orientation. Some gender queer people also identify as transgender, and may or may not wish for physical modification or hormones to suit their preferred expression. Many gender queer people see gender and sex as separable aspects of a person and sometimes identify as a male-woman, a female-man, or a male/female/intersex gender queer person.

Tri-sexual: (I’ll admit that I know nothing about this) A person who has absolutely no sexual preference and readily partakes in all forms of sexual perversion. The “tri” of course is the fact that a trisexual’s attraction (although gender blind) ranges are human, animal, or inanimate object. Live, dead, or grotesquely disfigured/unattractive —it doesn’t matter in the eyes of a tri-sexual. They have an “If it feels good —do it” philosophy when it comes to fulfilling their sexual needs.

Hermaphrodite: in humans and other animals, is the presence of intermediate or atypical combinations of physical features that usually distinguish female from male. This is usually understood to be congenital, involving chromosomal, morphologic, genital and/or gonadal anomalies, such as diversion from typical XX-female or XY-male presentations, e.g., sex reversal (XY-female, XX-male), genital ambiguity, or sex developmental differences. An intersex individual may have biological characteristics of both the male and the female sexes. Intersexuality as a term was adopted by medicine during the 20th century, and applied to human beings whose biological sex cannot be classified as clearly male or female. Intersex was initially adopted by intersex activists who criticize traditional medical approaches to sex assignment and seek to be heard in the construction of new approaches.

Some people (whether physically intersex or not) do not identify themselves as either exclusively female or exclusively male. Androgyny is sometimes used to refer to those without gender-specific physical sexual characteristics or sexual preferences or gender identity, or some combination of these; such people can be physically and psychologically anywhere between the two sexes. This state may or may not include a mixture or absence of sexual preferences.

Androgyny (androgynous): is a person who does not fit cleanly or clearly into the typical masculine and feminine gender roles of their society. They may also use the term bigender to describe themselves. Many androgynes identify as being mentally “between” woman and man, or as entirely genderless. They may identify as non-gendered, gender-neutral, agendered, between genders, multi-gendered, inter-gendered, pan-gendered or gender fluid.

The androgynous person is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine individual is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits.

NOW - If you are now upset, and think me to be some kind of “Religious zealot” who has no idea what he is talking about. Your wrong, I am not, I’m just a human and if you are further curious as to who I am, look at pansexual, because that is how I identify.

If you are now further confused, I would suggest looking up the long winded terms on wiki, or through any of the dictionary web sites. There are even your local LGBTQ community action programs with some wonderful people at them that could help you understand more.

One should enjoy life "AS WHO" they are, not suffer through life for who they are.

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Cock rings, how to measure for the right size.


With multiple questions arising from people about cock rings, let’s cover a few here. These questions do come from both men and women so guys don’t think that it’s only your curiosity peeking, but women are also curious.

The most popular questions that people have are:

1)            Which is best, Leather, rubber, steel, silicon?

2)            What does wearing a cock ring do?

3)            Can I wear one all day or just when having sex?

4)            Is it enjoyable for just me (the wearer) or my partner as well?

And the most popular question

5)            What size do I get?

To simplify these questions understand that number 5 is also the most important. The material that you choose for a cock ring to be made of depends on you, but you have to get the right size. The wearing of a cock ring is to restrict the flow of blood to the penis (and can be worn as a piece of jewelry) but with the wrong size it can either fall off or be to restrictive. The idea of wearing one 24x7 is nothing new, a lot of guys do, but you have to have the right size or it can be, too restrictive and uncomfortable to wear all the time, or can cause an embarrassing moment if it falls off. The fact of wearing one during sex can be enjoyable for both, but again, with the wrong size can be a poor (or bad) experience. So let’s cover number 5 “What size cock ring do I get” or more to the point,


There are several different ways. I have found 2 different ways to measure yourself that are fairly accurate so that you know what size (or size range) is best for you. To get the best results for method one 4 measurements should be taken. For method 2 only 2 measurements are needed, but a lot more math is involved.

METHOD 1 – Dial or digital caliper

This is the same type of caliper that is used to measure the ID (inner diameter) and OD (outer diameter) of pipes, bolts and nuts, holes… and can be found fairly inexpensive at most hardware stores. Used the caliper and do the following measurements.

1)            Flaccid side to side

2)            Flaccid top to bottom

3)            Erect side to side

4)            Erect top to bottom

When doing these measurements, be sure to take them where the penis and scrotal sack meet the pelvic wall. DO NOT pull the penis and ball sack away from the pelvic wall to get the measurements because that will stretch the skin and give you a smaller measurement than you need.

So let’s work with the following measurements and see what we come up with.

1)            1 7/8”

2)            2 1/4”

3)            2”

4)            2 1/4”

Now take all measurements and add them up you should come up with 8.375 (8 3/8”), now divide that by 4and you get 2.09375 or 2 3/32”. So here we have a slightly off size average but if you look at your 4 measurements you will also see a pattern. You will note that on my measurements the top and bottom does not change weather flaccid or erect. So with this in mind for myself I have thrown out those two and made my cock ring range 1 7/8 to 2”. Yours will be different and they may actually all be different this is why you want all four measurements, so that you can find your average and your range.

METHOD 2 – String and ruler

This is actually a little more math involved but is also pretty accurate with only two measurements. You will need a piece of string (light color as you will be marking on it) a shoe lace works pretty well, and pen or marker, a ruler or tape measure and a calculator, and some basic algebra skills.

1)            Flaccid measurement

2)            Erect measurement

Wrapping the string around your cock and balls at the pelvic wall (DO NOT pull tight) use the pen or marker and mark the string. Now lay the string out on a ruler and you have your first measurement 5 7/8” (5.875).

While erect take the next measurement the same way (DO NOT pull tight). Use the pen and make your mark for the second measurement and lay that out on the ruler and now you have the second measurement 6 1/4” (6.25).

Now convert each number to a diameter instead of a circumference as cock rings are sold by diameter. The equation you are looking for is

d = c/(pi)

Or in our case above d= 5.875/3.14 so our first measurement is 1.871 (1 7/8” slightly rounded up)

And for our second measurement we have d= 6.25/3.14 which is 1.99 (2” slightly rounded up)

Why did I round up? Well because taking the measurement beyond the 64th of an inch point is kind of ridiculous. But you see that by the numbers my range still stands, 1 7/8 to 2”. Besides depending on where you buy a cock ring, they are sold in 1/4” or 1/8” increments.

Now back to the first four questions and why the right size cock ring is so important and yes we are going to use my averages from above. For the restrictive effectiveness of a cock ring don’t take the largest number, that is (more times than not) going to be an erect measurement so will be loose at all times. The idea here is to go with the middle ground for regular use and the lower number for restrictive play.

Simply put, not all of my cock rings are 2” which is my mid range, but a 2” cock ring is what I wear all day long every day. I also have 1 7/8” for restrictive play (mainly edge play). What’s the difference? Well with my regular cock ring (2”) I get nice restriction allowing for a harder erection, some moderate swelling allowing for increased girth and longer lasting play time. The sensitivity is a bit more than without the ring and the feeling on my end is really good. My partners have been split on whether they like it or not, but almost all of them have said they enjoy the increase in girth while we play. And all of them said that it’s cool how sensitive I am when they touch me.

Now as for the 1 7/8” rings. These allow for greater restriction and I only wear them for play as they can (after being worn for so long) cause discomfort and in the case of the steel rings and not easily removed. But depending on the type of play you are doing the intense pressure from having an over tight cock ring can be amazing. The restriction of blood is greater, making you more sensitive, the increase in hardness and girth comes quicker and your sustainability is increased. Yes you will last longer even though you are more sensitive because you are restricting the blood flow in and out of the penis and the gland and when swollen like that it also restricts the urethra. So if you are looking at getting one that is on the tight side, BE PREPARED.

For the beginner I would recommend getting either leather, rubber or silicon cock rings as they are easily removed if you are not comfortable. An advantage to leather cock rings, most have multiple snaps and a measurement range of their own, so you can wear them at your normal range, or you can tighten them up. Some rubber and silicon rings are also adjustable and can be set at your regular range or tight. Other rubber and silicone rings are solid but still easily removed due to their elasticity.

Now if you are into steel as I am, be sure you know your average. Especially if you are looking at wearing one all day long, or you want to get a novelty ring like the tear drop rings or ones that are wider than usual (not the diameter the actual width of the ring). You want to be comfortable throughout the day and not be fidgety and pulling at your crotch all day because of discomfort.  Also remember that weather you are putting on a steel cock ring or a solid rubber or silicon ring, a nice lube, baby oil or hand lotion is recommended for ease of putting on and taking off.

Try not to be hard when putting on or taking off a cock ring, you could hurt yourself. If you are not sure about your measurements or if it seems that the size you come up with just doesn’t seem right, just ask the sales person at your local adult shop or leather store that carry these items. For online ordering some websites have similar information on measuring yourself so that you get the right size.

BUT BE WARNED, some websites don’t give a good shit what your size is, because once you try it on, it’s yours and they will not exchange it for a smaller or larger one. You will have to buy another one, now you have one you can wear and one you can’t.

I have found that some shops (not very many mind you) will let you try them on to see if you like them or not, and if they’ll fit. It is up to you to be washed and clean before you try on something in a store and you should always look at what you are trying on to make sure it is clean. But best rule of thumb….


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Flogging, a quick reference and a bit of history.

Definitions of FLOG

From the dictionary:

A Transitive verb

1: to beat with or as if with a rod or whip repeatedly

2: to criticize harshly


From Wikipedia:

Flagellation or flogging is the act of methodically beating or whipping (Latin flagellum, “whip”) the human body. Specialized implements for it include rods, switches, the cat o’ nine tails and the sjambok (heavy whip). Typically, flogging is imposed on an unwilling subject as a punishment; however, it can also be submitted to willingly, or performed on oneself, in religious or sadomasochistic contexts.


The above are the definitions that we are looking at here, although there are a few other definitions available. And I’ll bet you’re saying to yourself “I know how to flog some one, I’ve done it before.” But what do you know about flogging? What technique do you use? What is the reason behind your flogging? What type of after care do you use after flogging? Do you understand the consequences of improper flogging or lack of after care?

Being in the lifestyle for over 30 years you would be surprised at what I have seen. I have even taken a flogger away from people who were abusing their sub/slave, by not taking precautions or care of what they were doing and just beating their subject. When we flog some one for pleasure (to both parties) or for discipline of a sub/slave it does need to be done properly depending on the circumstances or the desired affect. So let’s start with a bit of history on flogging so that an understanding is made as to what is and is not proper.


Well I bet that some of you think this goes back to the Bastille and was used to punish criminals, or that it started with the writings of the Marquis De Sade or maybe it started back during the inquisition…. Well let’s face facts, it goes back a very, very long time, and has been used for everything from bad behavior to criminal punishment. But in every instance that you see through out history the punishment meant the crime. Although not talked about openly for several thousand years, it was still used. We have even been raised as a society that weather you want to believe it or not, flogging is common place.

When you go back and look at what was done 5000 years ago (and I’m going to try not to go back further than that) flogging was used in several different areas. Criminal punishment: If you wronged the ruler of your territory weather by stealing food from the community storage, or you said something against the ruler, flogging could be used as your punishment. Usually administered with a very staunch stick or branch, thistle branches were popular for this from my understanding due to the thorns and ruff attribute of the leaves. Than a salve or cool water would be used to sooth the area and help with healing. Punishment done but you don’t want someone in the community or tribe being incapacitated.

As we have seen in the Egyptian hieroglyphics, that a form of whip was used to get slave labor to do their bidding, weather that be building a monument or working in the fields. There are several examples of this not just in Egypt but other cultures through out history. If we fast forward a bit too recent history you’ll see that Catholic schools still use forms of flogging to this day for disciplinary action, yes just like Sister Mary Frances from your math class carrying that ruler around and smacking your hand for passing notes. But she would never leave welts or marks would she. That is a sign of control.

The most popular of uses for flogging comes from tortures over the last 1000+ years and mariners. Through out history there has been a whip master or as of a few hundred years ago, the quarter master. The whip masters of a few thousand years ago used there flogging to get rowers to row faster or keep pace with the other rowers. When rowing started to become obsolete the “now quarter master” would use his whips of FLOGGER to administer punishment for shirking duties, or insubordination, and even for mutiny aboard ships. Now a good quarter master prided himself on his technique, weather that was of drawing blood with each strike, or for flailing some one to the bone, they were very proud of their technique. But either way they would also administer lime or salt to the open wounds to add to the pain, but to also help the healing process.

In all cases, and especially in the case of punishment, weather aboard ship or tortured for crimes against the state. The rule of thumb was 39 lashes. Approximately 1500 years ago small metal hooks had been added to 9 tail whips, popular terminology Cat of nine tails. These hooks would rend flesh, from just little holes to actual tears. Priest had decided that anything greater than 40 lashes could kill a prisoner, so they set limits.

And those are a few of the things we are going to discuss, instruments, technique, control and after care. That was also just a quick summary of the history of flogging, if you would like to understand more the Wiki on flagellation is about one of the best I have read. The wiki covers a nice variety of the world and the context behind flogging.

Techniques and instruments will be covered in a later post.

Do you have any personal experiences or pics you’d like to share?

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Protocol. An understanding.

This is an interesting subject that can and has been misconstrued by some and misunderstood by others. But looking at the definition of protocol and in respect its sub definitions will help someone in a Domm and sub or Master and slave or just controlled relationship understand what protocol means.


From Webster’s dictionary meaning 3 - a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence (as in diplomatic exchange and in the military services) <a breach of protocol>  

Now we really aren’t going to concern ourselves with the military aspect at this time, although it is one of the finest examples of HIGH protocol. But lets break down the definitions of the key words. Code, Strict, Adherence, Etiquette, and Precedence.

But first let’s look at some popular opinions of protocol from the BD/SM communities. I am in no way saying that these are wrong, on the contrary they are personal interpretations and how they wish to follow or implement PROTOCOL.

·         The customs and regulations dealing with formality, precedence and etiquette.

·         Social etiquette is based on gender, age, and social status, and it evolves as society changes and evolves. Protocol is very specific, OFTEN inflexible, and based on rank and status without consideration for gender.

·         A code of correct conduct set forth to control one’s life and actions.    

·         Highly ritualized set of rules for interaction between Master and slave.

·         My rules my way, no high way option.

These are just a few that I have come across over the years. You will not that each has some part of the original definition integrated into it. Interpretation is in the eye of the reader, thus everyone is going to be different.

The definitions: All taken from Merriam-Webster’s dictionary 

Code –

1: a systematic statement of a body of law; especially : one given statutory force

2: a system of principles or rules <moral code>

3: a system of signals or symbols for communication.

You will note that in the word CODE are the words that best describe it, Law, Principles, Rules. Plus a few descriptive Statutory, Signals, Symbols and the most important of all Communication.


Strict –

1: archaic a : tight, close; also : intimate b : narrow


2: stringent in requirement or control <under strict orders> b : severe in discipline <a strict teacher>


3: inflexibly maintained or adhered to <strict secrecy> b : rigorously conforming to principle or a norm or condition


I honestly hope that this word is understood, if it is not than you might have a problem when it comes to HIGH protocols.


Adherence or Adhere–

1: the act, action, or quality of adhering


2: steady or faithful attachment : fidelity


3: to give support or maintain loyalty  


4: to hold fast or stick by or as if by gluing, suction, grasping, or fusing


5: to bind oneself to observance <adhere to the rules>


When it comes down to it I think #5 is what we are actually looking at with this word.



1: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.

Let’s face facts, we all of differing opinions of what proper etiquette is, and we all tend to follow our own style of etiquette. But in the lifestyle it is best to understand this definition of the word.




1: the fact of coming or occurring earlier in time


2: the right to superior honor on a ceremonial or formal occasion


3: the order of ceremonial or formal preference


4: priority of importance <your safety takes precedence>



With these definitions you can see that all the prior statements are along the lines of self interpretation. When one enters into the life style and the term “Protocols” is used, it is best that all parties involved sit down and are in full understanding of what the protocols are. Contracts are sometimes used between parties to better understand and to help set down the protocols for the relationship.

Soft protocols can be as simple and requesting a sub to be Mrs. Cleaver. House clean, dinner ready at a specific time, house in order, slippers at the ready, nicely dressed at all times….. you get the point. To a set schedule and basic rules, But in a house of protocols those rules must be followed.

Medium protocols can be more stringent, such as making the sub or slave be naked at all times while in the domicile. Or that they act, dress and maintain a servant style persona. Using terms like “Yes sir” or “No ma’am” could be required. But still it is all in your interpretation.

High protocol is in and of itself what most MASTERS strive for. Not that a regular Domm doesn’t, but you will find a difference between the two. High protocols not only involve soft and medium aspects but the strict adherence to rules and regulations set down with the knowledge of punishment when not followed.

Not that punishment isn’t seen in soft and medium protocol life styles it is sometimes. But it is almost always seen in the high protocol life style. Punishments can range from standing at attention eyes down and hands folded for an hour or so to full out floggings. When living a protocol life style these things should be discussed at the onset of the arrangement. The rules and regulations and the punishments or disciplinary action that would be taken should be communicated and understood. You can see some samples that we have come across under our “Misc. Contracts” section that can help you get at least an idea of what you may be looking for when you are ready to start an agreement with someone.

If you are still not sure about Protocols please feel free to contact me with your questions and I will try my best to answer them in a clear and timely fashion.


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Have you ever wanted a set of low hangers?

First the warm up. I will go for 10 to 15 min’s with a heating pad on high, but if your going to go this route, do what is comfortable for you. You can also use a hot water wrap like a washcloth, or just do a work out after a hot shower.

OK all warmed up and ready for the harness. Now the one I use for my work out is a single clip buckle parachute, not the one I use for play which is a standard 3 chain snap parachute. Some people just use a length of Rope or leather wrapped around their balls.

Starting off with a weight that is comfortable for you attach it to your harness or parachute or what ever you use. This is a work out so the idea here is reps, lift and cool down. But starting off with 2 to 5 lbs is a good start.

Starting lift, at this point you will know if the harness is adjusted properly with no pinching or cutting in and that it is not dragging on the ground. If it does any of these just adjust it for comfort or length.

And lift…..  do 2 min’s per lift. (or if you can only handle one do that)

And relax for 2 min’s. I do this for 20 min’s. Basically 10 reps.

There is more to my personal work out but this is a good startiing point for those who would like to have “Low hanging balls”.

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Interesting look at fetishes.

I ran across this fetish map a while back, and although I do find it interesting I find it lacking in its layout and aspect. Not all fetishist are the same, and no fetishist that I know of like all aspect of 1 particular fetish. Just because someone is into sensory play doesn’t mean that they are into ice or heat. Every fetishist is different in what they like and how far they will go with their particular fetish.

I also noticed that the “Key index” on the side of this pictogram is missing gender roles. You’ll notice that there is not symbol or reference to “Straight male” just to women, lesbians, gay males, and cross dressing. If I were to analyze this pictogram I would have to say that it was done by a male psychology student who has issues with his own self awareness, and a lack of understanding of the differences between people.

But it is interesting to look at the association between the fetishes that are listed.

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My heavy flogger.

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